It started with a frustrating hatred, but turned into a simplistic love affair

I gulped another mouthful of salt water, thrashed around, and pulled my board up onto the beach collapsing in the sand. "I hate surfing, hate hate hate it!"  That was my very first surf experience.  My older sister asked where the "best" surf was (not for a kook) and dropped me off at a rocky coast somewhere around Longbeach.  I had spent an hr, and not been able to break through the waves.  I hadn't a clue in hell what I was doing.  I stuck with it though, went a couple more times and learned to get out, catch a few waves, and it was fun, but I honestly didn't really like it all that much.  I mostly found it frustrating. I didn't understand the water or the waves, I couldn't paddle fast. I felt like a lost fool in the water, scared of it and annoyed that I sucked.

I really really wanted to like surfing though.  I LOVED the idea of surfing.  The lifestyle, clothes, cute boys, oh and it seemed like an activity I would really like, only I didn't.

Fast forward to this summer, and I was living in LA.  I was 100% convinced I liked surfing.  I didn't even care that I didn't like the surfing part.  I made some surf friends, and went out with my one friend Scott a bunch.  I would watch where he paddled out, when he went for waves.  I started watching surf films and surf comps. Instead of being frustrated that I couldn't surf in the water I started really tuning in and watching.  And within only one week I went from total poser to loving surfing.

Instead of being annoyed with the Ocean, I loved her.  I would relax on my board, sing a bit in my head, smile a whole bunch, and when the wave came I would listen.  Every day is different.  Every wave is different.

I quickly became genuinly hooked.  And then it wasn't even so much about the lifestyle anymore, it was a total escapism, and a total transformation. I would wake up, grab my board and send it to the beach completely by myself.  I love surfing with friends, but I also loved going out just me, and how I am completely in control of my surfing.

I'm the only person who knows how fast I paddle and my pop up.  So I decide which waves to go for, I just learned pop up instinctually and carving down the line, carving up waves then dipping back down, grabbing my rails and leaning around white water, keeping everything upper body completely relaxed as my legs are pumping back into the line then popping back or diving over the back side of the wave.

You see, I've ALWAYS been coached.   I was coached since I was five years old.  Coaches are great, but it's always someone else telling you what to do and how to do it.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, but if you're constantly listening to someone else, you lose your ability to trust your own judgement. I lost my ability to trust my instincts.

I haven't learned all that much on my own as far as sports go.  In that water though, a love affaire was born.  I really listen to the ocean, watch her swells, and just trust myself.  The day when I surfed a hurricane swell bringing in 10-15 foot waves,  I was told by a homie it was probably to big for me.  I was relaxing on the beach, I didn't NEED to surf it, prove anything, I felt none of that, I just wanted to get out in the water. So I paddled out and watched at the break level for about two hours. Then pointed my board toward the beach, I just relaxed, and when the wave came and the Ocean said go, I went.

That last paddle to the moment of dropping in, I don't even really know what I'm doing, I just do it, and it's so wonderful.  Not analyzing and self consciousness, no proving I'm good hahah it's just a love story between me and the Ocean.

I don't have pictures, or videos, I just have an experience.  I suppose in this day and age you're supposed to document everything.  Make it look cooler then it really is. Well, I just have my love affair, and a completely new appreciation for my own judgement.  I know it sounds silly and cocky, but not only did I fall in love with surfing, but I fell in love with a relaxed version of myself.  I fell in love with my own split second judgement capabilities, and realized I really really like calling my own shots.

This is my last week in California.  It was a good call for me to come here this summer.  I've learned a lot, and I have some really really exciting projects in the works, but right now, I'm itching for snow again.

I have NO idea how this comp season will go, and frankly, after caring so much last year, I'm a bit tired of obsessing over it.  I just know I am excited beyond belief to get a house with my besties and shred around on skis every day!  That freedom I found in surfing, I'm going to bring it with me, that's the freedom feeling that addicted me to skiing, and I'm so happy I learned the feeling of freedom again.

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds!"
-Bob Marley

you're 22, why do you care?

This morning, I read a very interesting piece on why women can't have it all. An insightful look into the standards of successful business women, and the sacrifices they make in order to obtain that level of career success. It is very true that men make family sacrifices as well, but it is seen more acceptable to ignore your family as a man in pursuit of a career. What are we really doing then admiring and promoting those people willing to sacrifice their family time in order to help the masses? Maybe if our leaders really were honest about the struggles between family and work we would be able to make economic and political changes that both promote and value family, a concept that is being quickly misconstrued and tarnished.

It is popular for teenagers to start to hate their parents and treat them with disrespects, siblings squabble, parents work crazy hours in order to assure the happiness of their children, only to hand their children off to full time care. It's a crazy concept. Work hard so you can pursuit happiness...later. I posted that article on Facebook, and the first comment was, you're 22, who cares?

Well I feel it's fairly obvious I wouldn't have spend an hour reading a 13 page article and then posting it if I didn't care, so to answer the question, I care. Perhaps the real question meant to be asked was WHY do you care. And while still I feel on the verge of being rude, I am more then happy to answer that question to the best of my ability. Although there is no concrete reason as to why someone cares about multiple issues, while the people next door wake up and do drugs and don't care about anything other then their fix. That's humans.

Anyways, I come from an interesting line of New Englanders. There are Boston contractors, Professors, women's self-esteem, doctors, Ivy Leagues, Wall street workers, Dentists, 15 year old mothers and more in my family. There's a strong New England white collar mindset. The concept of the pursuit of happiness is closely linked to the pursuit of property. Success is quite often seen as the money you make. I am lucky at my 22 years of age to see all sorts of people. I have traveled more then most people do in their life to more places then most. I have seen cultures, and people, and values, and priorities. I have conversed with people who control more money then small countries, and shredded skateparks barefoot with bros who have never gone a day past twelve without the Mary Jane.

So that's my history, and an insight into experience, but it still doesn't answer the question why do I care. I suppose one of the reason's is I’m currently making decisions about my own careers. I am a skier, but I won't stay a professional level skier forever, do I want to go the route of a standard career? Do I want to go into corporate? Or Do I want stay ski based, work around the industry, or do I want to live on the beach and teach fitness and gymnastics? Is it that you're saying 22 is to young to think about those things? Well my family started asking me at 14 about those questions. And I would rather think about them now, and actually acnowledge and analyze my option rather then get so far down a road I wake up and realize I didn't live the way I wanted.

Or that you don't think there's any reason to plan out your life, that you should just live and chill and be real. I have a sister who thinks that way, and I vacillate back and forth. See, I have too many thoughts to just sit and chill. As a little girl after the twin towers and before the Iraq war I made place mats and stood at the end of the road selling them and explaining why we shouldn't go into that war. You can't very well go from reading college books at 12 to just not giving a shit. Trust me, I tried, and that's why it was so unnatural. I suppose if you really don't give a shit it's easy to act like you don't give a shit, but if you give a lot of shits about a lot of things, then you can't just be indifferent.

So I care. I care about political tensions, I love to read, and I'm a total dork when it comes to schooling. I have a high speed memory, and love learning. But I also love my happiness. I hate long hours inside, inflexible schedules and bosses. So ya, I am trying to figure out the course and the road I would like to take with my life. I am currently walking down multiple roads simultaneously, and I am happy with that.

I will continue to care about issues, it's just not going away, and I quite honestly don't have to justify why I care, in fact maybe more people should be asking themselves why they don't care? Why is it so cool to not care about anything, but simultaneously care about everything? Care about your style, how you are portrayed being seen as cool, obsessing about social media, cars, celebrities, but yet making sure you don't care about anything that could be meaningful and stressful. We have a society that promotes watching little girls in pageants, yet it's uncool to actually talk about the things you are about. So this is my attempt at answering why I care, and let me ask you now, why don't you care?