It started with a frustrating hatred, but turned into a simplistic love affair

I gulped another mouthful of salt water, thrashed around, and pulled my board up onto the beach collapsing in the sand. "I hate surfing, hate hate hate it!"  That was my very first surf experience.  My older sister asked where the "best" surf was (not for a kook) and dropped me off at a rocky coast somewhere around Longbeach.  I had spent an hr, and not been able to break through the waves.  I hadn't a clue in hell what I was doing.  I stuck with it though, went a couple more times and learned to get out, catch a few waves, and it was fun, but I honestly didn't really like it all that much.  I mostly found it frustrating. I didn't understand the water or the waves, I couldn't paddle fast. I felt like a lost fool in the water, scared of it and annoyed that I sucked.

I really really wanted to like surfing though.  I LOVED the idea of surfing.  The lifestyle, clothes, cute boys, oh and it seemed like an activity I would really like, only I didn't.

Fast forward to this summer, and I was living in LA.  I was 100% convinced I liked surfing.  I didn't even care that I didn't like the surfing part.  I made some surf friends, and went out with my one friend Scott a bunch.  I would watch where he paddled out, when he went for waves.  I started watching surf films and surf comps. Instead of being frustrated that I couldn't surf in the water I started really tuning in and watching.  And within only one week I went from total poser to loving surfing.

Instead of being annoyed with the Ocean, I loved her.  I would relax on my board, sing a bit in my head, smile a whole bunch, and when the wave came I would listen.  Every day is different.  Every wave is different.

I quickly became genuinly hooked.  And then it wasn't even so much about the lifestyle anymore, it was a total escapism, and a total transformation. I would wake up, grab my board and send it to the beach completely by myself.  I love surfing with friends, but I also loved going out just me, and how I am completely in control of my surfing.

I'm the only person who knows how fast I paddle and my pop up.  So I decide which waves to go for, I just learned pop up instinctually and carving down the line, carving up waves then dipping back down, grabbing my rails and leaning around white water, keeping everything upper body completely relaxed as my legs are pumping back into the line then popping back or diving over the back side of the wave.

You see, I've ALWAYS been coached.   I was coached since I was five years old.  Coaches are great, but it's always someone else telling you what to do and how to do it.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, but if you're constantly listening to someone else, you lose your ability to trust your own judgement. I lost my ability to trust my instincts.

I haven't learned all that much on my own as far as sports go.  In that water though, a love affaire was born.  I really listen to the ocean, watch her swells, and just trust myself.  The day when I surfed a hurricane swell bringing in 10-15 foot waves,  I was told by a homie it was probably to big for me.  I was relaxing on the beach, I didn't NEED to surf it, prove anything, I felt none of that, I just wanted to get out in the water. So I paddled out and watched at the break level for about two hours. Then pointed my board toward the beach, I just relaxed, and when the wave came and the Ocean said go, I went.

That last paddle to the moment of dropping in, I don't even really know what I'm doing, I just do it, and it's so wonderful.  Not analyzing and self consciousness, no proving I'm good hahah it's just a love story between me and the Ocean.

I don't have pictures, or videos, I just have an experience.  I suppose in this day and age you're supposed to document everything.  Make it look cooler then it really is. Well, I just have my love affair, and a completely new appreciation for my own judgement.  I know it sounds silly and cocky, but not only did I fall in love with surfing, but I fell in love with a relaxed version of myself.  I fell in love with my own split second judgement capabilities, and realized I really really like calling my own shots.

This is my last week in California.  It was a good call for me to come here this summer.  I've learned a lot, and I have some really really exciting projects in the works, but right now, I'm itching for snow again.

I have NO idea how this comp season will go, and frankly, after caring so much last year, I'm a bit tired of obsessing over it.  I just know I am excited beyond belief to get a house with my besties and shred around on skis every day!  That freedom I found in surfing, I'm going to bring it with me, that's the freedom feeling that addicted me to skiing, and I'm so happy I learned the feeling of freedom again.

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds!"
-Bob Marley